Nepal Declaration of Girls of Even Worse Character

UWB Note: Tired of reading declarations of political parties and agitating organizations? Here is yet another declaration, which is not really boring, from our own Girls of Even Worse Character! [नेपालीमा यहाँ छ: चरित्रहीन चेलीहरूको नयाँ अवतार]


FEBRUARY 2007 DECLARATION of Jhan Charatraheen Cheli [Saturday Blog]

[Inside: A CharitrawanChela responds The text has some adult content. Reader discretion advised.]

We, a hardline faction of the underground group, Charitraheen Chelis (Girls of Bad Character), have broken off and declared Nepali women autonomous.

Our breakaway faction, Jhan Charitraheen Cheli (Girls of Even Worse Character), roundly denounces the members of the original Charitraheen Cheli.

“The chelis of our mau-samuha (mother-group) did not behave badly enough,” says one member of the Jhan Charitraheen Cheli. “Most of them are happily married, with well brought-up children. Two chelis have a steady boyfriend– meaning, one each, not one in common! And the others don’t like men, or even women,” she complains. “For example, after the 2005 coup they called for a sex boycott till the reinstatement of democracy – but they forgot to call off the boycott after April 2006! We take this as a grave conspiracy,” she adds, explaining, “That is why we had to break away and start our own underground group.”

The first meeting of the Jhan Charitraheen Cheli took place in mid February
in a seedy bar in Kathmandu.

Our first agenda was to revisit the 40 points’ declaration made by our mau-samuha on March 4, 2005, through their official mouthpieces, Nepali Times and Kantipur, both edited by dishy men. We discovered that the 40 points are pretty damn good, especially Point No. 1, which asserts our right to take up agendas solely on the basis of our wishes and needs.

“That mau-samuha wasn’t all bad,” one member was heard admitting.

After re-passing our mau-samuha’s 40 points’ declaration, we progressed on to other, more timely matters. Our twelve-point declarations are as follows:

1. Make love, not regression! We declare that the sex boycott called by our mau-samuha in 2005 is comprehensively over, retroactive to April 2006, but only for those of the loktantrik persuasion.

2. Vision 50/50: No penises in Parliament! We demand that until 50 percent of seats in Parliament are reserved for women of diverse backgrounds, women of diverse backgrounds should occupy all 100 percent of Parliamentary seats. The same goes for all government bodies! 50 percent or bust!

3. Naturalize foreign jwais! One of our brave chelis has volunteered to sacrifice her independence (temporarily) to marry a foreign man, only to seek full naturalization and citizenship rights for bideshi jwais (foreign sons-in-law). Qualified candidates, please apply with CV, photo and statistics.

4. 40 is better than 33! We applaud the CPN(M) for filling 40 percent of their Parliamentary seats with women. But why not 50 percent?

5. And what’s with the grey coats? We’ve noticed Maoist women open their mouths only to repeat the same carefully rehearsed party-approved lines. Ladies, we invite you to release your individuality from the party’s command. Speak your minds freely. Unleash yourself from all uniformity. Start by getting rid of those awful coats.

6. Whipping is for brutes! Women of all political parties, Defy all whips placed by your party denying women’s rights. Do not sacrifice our rights for ‘more important’ agendas set by your party’s men. You know they will only betray us, yet again.

7. New leadership for the New Nepal! We nominate Ram Kumari Jhankri as the first President of Nepal.

8. Turn the National Women’s Commission into a constitutional body! But first, fill 50 percent of the positions in the Constitutional Council (which forms all constitutional bodies) with women. If not, fill all 100 percent of the positions with women. It’s 50 percent or bust!

9. Hello? OHCHR? How many years before a single case comes to trial? We demand that the case over Maina Sunwar’s torture and murder in military custody be seen through properly. The case was filed with the Police, and they have tried to contact the Army; but 16 letters later, there has been no reply. Perhaps Ambassador Moriarty has insights from his tour of army barracks? Maybe he could try getting the Army to respond?

10. Don’t forget what makes the world go around! We unanimously declare the sexiest man in Nepal to be Sunil Babu Pant of the Blue Diamond Society.

11. Donors, back off! All your projects and networks and alliances and seminars are keeping our best women too busy to lead the women’s movement. Back off! Their country needs them more than your country reports do.

12. Give it up, give it up, give it up! We demand that all our demands be met by March 8, International Women’s Day, or else we will declare a nationwide chulo-ra-cholo bandh (stove-and-blouse closure). That’s right, boys: No food, and no sex for you. Nada. Zip. Nothing. No joy till you capitulate.

In conclusion, we would like to declare that – following the example of other successful rebel groups before us – we are fully prepared to come above-ground to take part in negotiations, should the government invite us for talks.

Jaya Nari!
*The Jhan Charitraheen Chelis*

UWB: Though we are not “official mouthpieces” of Jhan Charatraheen Cheli, we are pro- Jhan Charatraheen Cheli and thought of sharing the declaration here. Here is the text in Nepali that appeared in today’s Kantipur.

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10 thoughts on “Nepal Declaration of Girls of Even Worse Character”

  1. Vagina’s power against the worldwide phallocracy !
    Down with the phallic mind ! Long live the total freedom of humankind !

    A boy

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  2. Riposte of a Beau of Good Moral Character towards the Declaration of Jhan Charitrahin Chelis

    You juicy intellectuals with shaven crotch as well as those with long pubic hair, who are running cloak-and-dagger activities! Ah! You the ones without phallus (Let me say it. Why to say you have vagina? You don’t have penis, this is a fact.)

    Unlike you I am not a hardliner. I am an individual, not a group. I won’t hide my identity. I am K sth C.sth. By profession, I am a little scribe. This much for now Rest you find out yourselves.

    You some among Pradhan, Sharma, Ranjit, Thapa…. I don’t know more names because my belle, a journalist who met you sometime at past in some place—for sure not a seedy bar as you have claimed when you had not declined to Jhan Charitrahin—denied to tell me the names. Look how ethical she is! How charitrawan she is!

    I am not a lawyer. I am not an author. I don’t have long and strong journalistic background and I don’t work for INGOs. I am not a painter either…

    Also, I am not a sexist. Not a masculinist by any chance. Sorry if I sound so. I am a beau with very good moral characters. . I don’t drink (…) and I don’t smoke (tobacco). Why do you count those meager puffs of black and green? More than that even at the age of 28, I have not experienced penetration. (Forget about those foreplays that never led to intercourse. Don’t count those eve-teasing, and forget about those molestations. You should not take into account those fondlings and smoochings.)

    I don’t have any agenda, and I don’t declare Nepali men autonomous. Because I know, though most of us are chauvinist, we men need you women. For pride and to pride. For being taken care of and to take birth from. To make love and to be loved. Men is an evolved version of women. You take example of deer with horn, and doe without. Similarly, we men have penis and you do not. You have slit. Testes and ovaries are analogous however.

    Apropos to your 12-point declarations, I have 36 things to say.

    1. Yes, let’s make love, not regression. Okay, sex boycott is over now. So shall we change the traditional posture of love-making? Let’s say eff off to Vatsyayana and his Kamasutra, and let’s try something different to not to stick to regression.

    2. Vision 36/36: Hey! Penises are great things to be in Parliament. You simply cannot prohibit those to enter the dark holes of the Vyawasthapika Sansad. Even if you try, the penises of different size, colour, texture, and expertise in the power-game — representing different ethnicities, cults, regions, doctrines and experiences will pierce the slit. So better be wise and come to a compromise before confrontation. You want civil war, filles?

    3. I have a solution. Look at this aphrodisiac number:36. No, we won’t stick to 33 per cent again. You will get three more per cent and men are ready to enjoy the same number game. The rest 28 goes to in-betweens. Not to gays and lesbians, by the way. Because they have either penises or vaginas. So they can be included in either your sex or ours. Inclusive democracy we will be practicing.

    4. Okay, we can give some reservation to them from our quota. 3 of 33 of vagina quota to lesbians, and 3 of 33 of penis to gays.

    5. Government bodies too will have same structure. Bust all around may be abuzz. You know, busts are worse at the time when you fart. And also when you put pad. (During periods.) You put on cotton plugs to absorb the seepage, but it sucks.

    6. Naturalise foreign jwains? Does Danny want to take Nepali citizenship then? Or you others got divorced, babies? So you want to ride a bideshi ghoda in swadeshi ground? Or will a trip to Switzerland suffice? Umm, may be You found out a black horse during your Fulbright term.

    7. I have American Green Card. Do I fall under that category of Bideshi? I have been living in the US for six years. Shall I apply? But I won’t give up Nepalese citizenship. I am proud to be whatever I am and wherever I hail from. One idea, let’s date first. Trial ride also same time. Agree?

    8. CV idea is not good. Okay I will submit one, albeit. But where? By the way, shall I mention my size in the CV. (Mine is comparable to that of an Arabic horse. That is my qualification. You will grasp it very soon.)

    9. Forget grey coats. Pink is our colour. Recently I watched a pondy movie. Pink was all around. Let’s declare PINK national colour, not simrik.

    10. Again if you want to talk about the grey coats. Let’s do it. Have you counted the number of the Maoist women who cashed in on the loss of their Comrade Penises? You should be traditional. That’s why you speaking against Grey coats? You want them to put white coats?

    11. Why don’t you ask them to find new and virile MEMBER. Party command won’t be an obstacle, I believe. They are progressive.

    12. Why do you ask them to speak their minds? I suggest them to speak their desire. Here can be the point of unleashing themselves from all uniformity. Sita and Prachanda. Hisila has Baburam. Many couples around. But those bebes do not have any. But I don’t know what they do in locked rooms and camps.

    13. Hey, you old and worn-out bimbos! You forgot to talk about kamrednis in cantonment. Not only the grey coat but also the camouflage should be taken into consideration.

    14. Again, what sort of suggestion is that “Get rid of grey coats.” Girls, how can they who are against the beauty pageants be topless?

    15. You luscious intellectuals have no wisdom! They are not like you. They are real jans (people) and janapratinidhis (people’s representatives.) Be ready for jana-karbahi, Comrade Yami backforced by Pawanman and his Hanumans will raid your den very soon. By the way, they have very strong intelligence. They know where you meet and where you live.

    16. Yes, whipping is for brutes. These men have a natural whip hanged on their loin.. So they whip. But if women defy the action, they have to resort to some unnatural means… Most of them will make their hand dirty. Some elites may take to some electrical devices. What if your lovers choose animals? Yuk!

    17. You don’t need to sacrifice your rights. You can call for the up-side down position for men. Sorry for mentioning men’s position. You appeal for the reservation of women’s top posture. For sure, this feminist Parliament will unanimously pass your call. Then you first practice first with your paramours. Hey, never let them change the position. YOU JUMP on them always, they will pump from below.

    18. New leadership for the New Nepal! But why that Jhankri bebe for the presidency? Sexy Sujata will kill you. She will ask for your resignation, chelis!

    19. Take Women’s council to every home. Make every woman member of it. Make a different party of women. Go to constituent assembly polls. You can start a separatist movement now. Open Mahila Forum. Call Nepal bandas or city shutdowns. Don’t let vehicles to ply.

    18. Because of pervert parents craving for baby penis, our more than half population has no penis. Why not to take action against fathers? It’s their fault because their sperm have more XX genes than XY. You can offer an amnesty to all those deprived of penis. Hey, you Pradhan bebe, sue all males for not having enough sperm with XY genes. You can take help of that old Mrs Advocate, who though talks about woman rights is second wife of Mr. Thapaliya. Hypocrisy is your trait!

    19. Fill the Constituent Council with vaginas. With 100 per cent cunt. But don’t forget to ask for free vibrator. 100 per cent bust? Bust everybody has, whatever be size. Cunt you bebes have, we do not.

    20. No comment on Maina Sunuwar case. You can ask for hanging of the rapist. I am with you. No excuse to the perpetrators.

    21. Hey, you forgot to urge OHCHR regarding action against those who raped and killed Namita-Sunita. You should be bold enough to speak against late Shah and director Shah. Is anyone of you related to Mr. Shah living in Gyaneshwor? Thapa bebe should be, if I am not wrong. You in the Mau-samuha or this this new gang?

    22. You can, by the way, advocate for rapes and molestations by women. You can train girls for seduction and rape. Train them to be paedophile.

    23. One suggestion, You invite Manisha in your gang. Her former lover Mr. Ambassador is younger than this old Moriarty. Why not to take help of one of the former royal foreign ministers. Dr. Thapa to get into army barracks . He has connections with army. Why not request that “handsome” Sujata? Her daddy is the PM functioning at the head of the state. If you all go to the barracks, I am sure you will satisfy those horny forces despite your age.

    24. Sexiest man of Nepal Sunil Babu Pant? Yes, he is a man; once I saw his moustache. Since he wears trousers, I don’t know about HIS size. What I have heard is he is “receiver” in the homo-game. He is not the sexiest man by any means.

    How could you forget Prachanda the great? His sexy moustache! His appealing speeches. His charming voice. I love his “kram-bhanga” cliché and “byaigyanik” conundrum. Overall, the unprecedented movement led by him and his principal principle: Opportunism.

    25. If you did not like Prachanda’s junga, there is “beautiful” clean shaven dashing Badal. You overlooked the appeal he has. Even younger and sexier Prabhakar is in the Parliament with higher number of slits from his party.

    You chelis are reactionaries! You are mandales. You did not vote for Prachanda. That old boy Baburam is frustrating, but forgot Badal and Prabhakar. How could you not remember that stylish NandaKishor Pun with unique psychic expression? You imagine how virile he could be.

    Come the Maoists to the power, you will be tried for your conspiracy and nexus with imperialist America. They will have strong proofs against you: One of yours Fulbright Scholarship background, one of yours affair with Canadian scribe working for BBC, one of yours blood relation to the royalties and Ranas….

    26. Will donors retreat? They give, so they take. They give dollars and they take nice and best women. Simple principle: give and take. By the way, after earning a lot for yourselves why your gang wants kuires to back off? You jealous of young women? You worn-out of the game and you are old; that is why? Or you don’t want them to experience orgasm with foreigners? Not fair at all.

    27. “Their country needs them more than your country reports do.” Here is some truth. Donors, back off! You have made our women economically independent and ultramodern. That may be why they are practicing “Use and throw” dictum. Kuires if not other bideshis are their first choice. Nepali lognays have secondary in selection.

    28. One of my friends waited for his lover working in an INGO to marry. She originally from Jhapa exploited the Kathmanduite buddy. Took advantage of his connections and got a job in the INGO. They lived in a flat for some months. However, she abandoned him to live with and massage penis of a kuire of another INGO.

    29. Donors back off and citizenship to bideshi jwains? Now where do your demands meet? Isn’t there any controversy? Donors later may become jwains. They may need to run some NGOs to earn bread to feed their Nepali concubines.

    30. Keep it up; Don’t give up! Keep it up; Don’t give up; Keep it up; Don’t give up! I urge (who?) that your demands never be taken seriously.

    31. March 8? Will love to see another satirical twaddle again. Take time and do some homework.

    32. Bimbos! I challenge: Though fast food is at disposal of your males, can you zip your blouse forever? Ah. You can, I just realised. You want to say “rub from outside” then. Right? You put lingerie without zipper!

    33. “No joy till you capitulate.” Okay. Let’s see who will surrender first. Till then you find vibrators. One suggestion: IN Nepal there is load shedding these days, if I am not mistaken. You can make maximum use of wax candle of appropriate size till then. Enjoy.

    34. “Nationwide stove-and-blouse closure’ You financed by chowchow factories and fast food houses? “Nationwide chulo-ra-cholo bandh (stove-and-blouse closure).” You have nexus with Blue Diamond Society? You want all men to be homosexual? I have heard that chances of bisexuality is very low. Who with you will sleep then?

    34. You tried to compare yourselves with other rebel groups that have both vaginas and penises working together. Does a lock open without a key? You are lock, we have got key. You will never succeed alone.

    35. Men won’t say “languati-banda”, however. They are ready to welcome you in their crotch. I take guarantee of it. Be sure, and come soon and put off their G-string. Hurry up to feel the warmth of the groin with elastic horn!

    35. You want to join the negotiations then. Ha ha ha. Don’t joke. You have guts to come above-ground?

    If yes, I self-appoint myself from the side of the Nepal government to talk to you. Common bebes!

    36. Though not dishy like those blokes –old Wagle and older Dixit, both with grey hairs– of Kantipur and NepaliTimes, I am virile enough to handle you.

    Again, I don’t drink and I don’t smoke. I am a charitrawan chela. Though self-appointed, I am the only model negotiator to deal with you efficiently. Didn’t you hear my fellows okaying me? Look I have authenticity now. I am democratic! Else, by hook or crook, I would win the polls. I didn’t submit my weapon to the UN team. It’s hidden in my groin.

    (A secret, I am divulging only to you “Jhan Charitrahin Chelis”: Once I met some of you in the Mau Samuha! A tall guy, blue eyes…Shhhh… others may hear it.)

    Jaya Linga, Jaya Yoni
    Jaya Purush, Jaya Nari

    Hoping to meet you very soon,
    KC, a Charitrawan Chela

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  3. In Nepal particularly in Kathmandu, now a days, everybody is charitra heen. Many housewives are engaged in cheating their husbands. Politicians, beaurocrats, businessmen are engaged in sex with fresh girls from the mountains who came for the new job. There are many cabin restaurants run by police officers. All the tourist spots like Nagarkot and Dhulikhel are used for one night stand because there are no tourits because of Maoists. So kATHMANDU VALLEY HAS BECOME FCUKING PLACE;

    jAI HEALTHY SEX

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  4. I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

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