Turning Twenty, Tata Teens: Birthday of a Kathmandu Teenager

Our blogger emerges out of the teenage circle and, as she enters 20, shares her experience of life in this blog: “I have entered into a twilight zone between teenhood and adulthood (why use sexiest hoods like girlhood and womanhood? For I believe in gender-indifferent life, i.e. human being hood.)”

Peek-A- Boo: Little Things, I love.

By Avipsha
Birthday Blog

Ah! No sooner took birth than reached twenty. Was born yesterday, lo and behold, here I am, in the twinkling of an eye, treading on the threshold of twenty, having lived the nineteen years of life to a tee, to the lee.

Last Wednesday, I celebrated my twentieth birthday with a mute bang. Does it seem much ado about nothing in this world of people killing, dying and taking birth every second? Let it be. That’s the way cookie crumbles and you can’t help it. Life goes on. But this is why birthdays are so special to me. Happenings, the more trivial, the more pleasure-ozzing, for I cast my lot with the people who dote on little things in life. And I think there is no point in scorning the event that hurts nobody, if not benefits either.

Well, I want you to know me little. I am Avipsha, a Jane Doe. Blood is indeed thicker than water so let me begin with my hearth-and-home accounts. Mother of mine of nine who was married off to my father of twelve gave birth to me in a chilling morning of December after a couple of years they celebrated their knot’s silver jubilee. Boggles your mind? So it was, cross my heart!

In the institution I revere the most; there are two elder brothers, too reticent. They have wives, too hard-nosed. Nischal, Anjan, Ranjan and Nicky, the fruits of my sisters-in-laws’ loins, the kids-no-it-all, who do not know (avoid to realize) I am not their sister but Aunt.

Blooming in the family garden:Little shaded by the leaves of norms.

But no, neither was I born with silver spoon on my mouth nor, en famille, nor I was brought up, as snugas-a-bug-in-a-rug. But yes, was little pampered. Life was for me, more the school of hard knocks than just a bowl of cherries. They gave me enough rope but not that enough to hang myself. I have run the whole gamut of slings and arrows of life so couldn’t look at the life through rose-tinted glasses. Yet life was all beautiful, all fun and I was all smiles, all hearts.

Be all ears friends! I m talking yesterdays. I was born in a village of western Nepal that is subjected to a peak of rhododendron above and a river of rainbow trout below. I studied in a school where they stampeded us to the terraced fields in winter days and under the peepal tree in summer days and taught. I was a mediocre student, a complete math dunce with horrible handwritings and inability to draw to save my life.

At sixteen and half, I was sent to Kathmandu for further studies. I still giggle to recall how I gaped and panicked on being given RS 500 as pocket money for hadn’t spent ever such a lump on my own, if that was today, it would have been like sesame seeds in the gob of elephant.

The journey turned out to be an Avipsha-in-wonderland arrival. You love to see coy lass! Life had much to expose and that begun through the nail-biting Kathmandu odyssey. There, I suffered a sea change. There I touched the computer for the first time; I was all sweats with eyes popping out of my head. There I read my first English fiction (Gee! That happened to be an erotica by Erica Jong). Then onwards, my two-timing with computer and English crescendoed until, of late, I end up flunking computer programming and getting burnt by the sparkle Salman Rushdie raised through rubbing his magic and realism together. AH! Live to learn man! Rub-it-like-Rushdie.

Come to twenty? I have entered into a twilight zone between teen hood and adulthood (why use sexiest hoods like girlhood and womanhood? For I believe in gender-indifferent life, i.e. human being hood.) I lived just a couple of decades; you’d coin a phrase for it, quarter a life. But no, for me, it was a complete cycle of life. The journey from infanthood to twenty hood was a end in itself. Life was what life has been for me, I lived to create my own life (Thank you Sartre). You think, you work, you smile, you cry, you love and you die. Life is all the same whether you a couple a decade or a ten. Just six of one and half a dozen of another. I am extremely content with my life. I am absolutely satisfied with what life has given to me and I eagerly welcome whatever life has in store for me. I don’t regret for any mistake I committed and I hail any penalty for that. I don’t pity myself for the hardships I suffered and don’t expect any compensation for that. I don’t flatter myself for anything good I did and I don’t expect any reward for that. I don’t boast over any hard work and achievement and I don’t cry over any denied rights and forgone dream. I was what I was, and that was all I was.

I give all the credit for making these nineteen years worth calling a life to all the beautiful people around me. People are beautiful when you love them. I hurt many of them on my ego trip and they reciprocated on the same errand. They loved me crazily and they contempt me madly. But that was all fun. And in my all modesty, I can safely say, wherever I went, I made people remember me with fondness. I am sorry for everyone of them whom I vexed and forgive everyone who pained me. I am thankful to everyone who loved me and remained by side in all the good times and bad times. I am grateful to everyone who accepted my company and let me love themselves.

No Matter what might be there in the offing: life below is beautiful.

Oops! I am balancing my life, I am crediting and debiting people around me. Does it read like renunciation or suicide note? No way! Life is a too beautiful tapestry to tear it at an impulse. But you can raise a million dollar question, if I am this knee deep in life, what I live for another day? Well, actually I live to die another day, to fight another day with the swords of words . I live to see the world reigned by words.

WOW! Lets talk words. For all my life, I have lived and breathed words, words of all sorts, written, printed, sang, cited and typed and even the invisibles. And I aspire to be a person of none other than letters. But what I am graduating here in a business school? Perhaps the opposite that attracted.

This is a high juncture of life where the agendas of aspirations and ambitions are much more pervasive. In this issue, I find myself partly confused and partly determined. For instance, financial independence is the bottom-line and the labor-of-love is the priority, still which lane to creep is very much impalpable. Sometimes, I feel, the artsy-fartsy, airy-fairy worship of words is nothing but the pursuit of will-o-the-wisp. You cannot live foot loose and fancy free forever. Reality bites when you start facing it. But I shudder even to think of the wheeling and dealings, roughs and tumbles, pushing and pulling that goes on within all business, all profession and all career.

I cannot live a lie, can’t stand on hypocrisy, can’t bear injustice, can’t support dishonesty and can’t turn my deaf ears on autocracy and hegemony. I renounce every victory gained by selling the soul. I can’t imagine living a life sans-nationality, sans-ethics and sans-rationality. Rags, drabs and hut are laudable if prosperity costs depravity of self-respect, self-dignity and independence. That achievement makes no any sense to me, starting from hard and honest studies if that ends with CEOs, NGO/ INGO professionals, academicians et al making their one belly fatter, their own bank balance heavier and their own organization richer. The high income and wide recognition are worthless if you can’t defend truth, can’t call spade a spade, lest your double standard falls by wayside.

Let’s come to myself, from life, all I expect is a career, a livelihood, that will let myself be myself, that wont steal me from myself and wont spoil me rotten. I would, very honestly, give to the profession whatever hard works, dedication and loyalty it deserves under the condition of paying me, a self-satisfaction, self- esteem and self-dignity, if not money, recognition and expansion of career.

Where can I find it, do you have any idea?

That is all tomorrow, today matters a lot for tomorrow. There are so many things I have to confess, commit and improve today. The first thing I have to do away is with the ever-increasing love handles, then I have to do away with my favorite journalistic sleep ( burning the mid night oil and rising to smell lunch), I have to patch up with books and studies and I have to stop being unable to say boo to a wild goose, to stop being mealy-mouthed and to start being bolder, smarter expressive and assertive. Does that sound too childish? But you know what, I celebrate my every birthday with resolutions.

OK! To sum up, mine was a life always in wedge edge and in fast lane, books, beaus, buddies, bunkings, flunkings, bangings, hangings, gatherings, funs, flirts, loves, hatreds, laughter, tears, Joie de Vivre, jiggery-pokery stuffs, rumpy-pumpy fancies,chats, and all the jazzes. Variety has always been the spice of my life . But life has made me able to know what’s what and where I stand with people.

Yes! That was a complete life, lived to its fullest.

NO No, No exposure friend! Let me call it a day.

15 Responses to “Turning Twenty: Tata Teens”

CSI-M Says:
December 24th, 2005 at 9:02 am

Oh… What a coincidence! I too just turned twenty last week. I also think life is beautiful below or above, no matter where. May be, I think, our lives would be even more beautiful and fruitful if we join our hands and vow to live together for ever. What do you think?

1whocandie4u Says:
December 24th, 2005 at 4:39 pm

I hope that my id is not going to create any mis-impressions on any lady and in particular to bloglady( or may be bloghuman-being)………..seriously, i have not read ur blog today notwihstanding the zeal to go through it…………….but, definitely i will read when i will have freetime in my hostel , in my room…………….u sound to be junior.i mean younger than me………but u r not my “bahini” anyway…………….if u do not mind, can u please add ur photo where ur face should be clearly visible from close distance…………..I hope that u r not such an ugly girl…..If u do not have any such photos, Please request wagle……..Wagle will be happy to take photos of anything in this world and in case of girls, i can’t imagine what he does…………………
all the best to ur “not-teen” life……..

new_hunk_in_town Says:

December 24th, 2005 at 5:53 pm
WOW! Lets talk words. For all my life, I have lived and breathed words, words of all sorts, written, printed, sang, cited and typed and even the invisibles. And I aspire to be a person of none other than letters. But what I am graduating here in a business school? Perhaps the opposite that attracted.

These lines remind me of a Shakespearean tragedy where when one character asks: What do I learn, lord? The reply goes: words, words, words!

Avipsha, keep up ur passion for words. I marvel at ur ability to coin phrases. U surely posses a pocket-sized dictionary, if not a Webster. It could have been better, had u made ur piece devoid of verbosity.

1whocandie4u Says:

December 24th, 2005 at 8:09 pm
I am not in a position to comment on the blog coz i have not read it……and i am not going to read it for at least a week…….I do not say this is due to my hectic schedule…..but definitely something that matters more important than this blog which has created main obstacle to read this blog……But i am going to reply here because of something that makes this blog different than others and makes me feel different to write here……….

Most of the time I ( and WE , in fact) read blogs related to current political tormoil in Nepal wil be criticising King most of the time…….That is feel-good -factor for me coz (i doubt my reasoning) mainstream medias have compelled me to believe that democracy and people’s democracy in particular can be achieved through freedom strufggle and that too of press…….in fact playing with imaginary words is not my field…….and i really believe that it is least important for anyone how does s/he feel when /she turns 15 or 19 or 20…or any age…….it’s a process and u will have product as increasing as rather than feeling………….so, today, i am writing in different context…….coz it’s different just that…….

Most of the bloggers here are males and i hardly see any feamle’s blog mainly in analytical and critical study of politics…….One of the blogger Ambika had sometimes written about mass struggle of kathmandu…….Except that women are considered to be good in field of imagination and description of beauty, age, and what not…….It’s good ( not for me but who loves these topics, i do not hate-i want to make my stand clear) for them and they can read it at least to kill their time, if they have any free time……
when i glanced through( i did not read blog as a whole) this blog, i also found that some extra words have been used…….(that is rightly called as verbosity…..that earlier comenter has mentioned ) as if the blog lady wants to prove that she has tremendous knowledge of English language…….she could articulate her ideas (i hope) even with the help of simpler words so that poor english readers should not feel marginalised…..The true ramifications and manifestations of ideas can be achieved even with simple language is what i feel to type at end……..

anyway complete nonsense……(my comments ) i do not know whether her blog is as nonsense as mine coz i have not read it……..

ks Says:

December 25th, 2005 at 1:15 am
Liked reading ur blog. Happy b’day ! Good luck 4 ur life ! amazed to read u.

Purushottam Says:

December 25th, 2005 at 1:24 pm
it seems that on the name of collagegirl of 20, it is written by other someone.

To CSI-M Says:

December 25th, 2005 at 3:28 pm
Joining hands and taking vow at 20
R u nuts?

N how will we drive post-vow Gaadi?
n will we strangle the bundle of joys?

– Avipsha

pat Says:

December 25th, 2005 at 3:50 pm
Bahini,

Though Im quite 100 percent sure that it was not ur creation, i enjoyed going thru it. Many hugs and kisses from the north poll.

“I cannot live a lie, can’t stand on hypocrisy, can’t bear injustice, can’t support dishonesty and can’t turn my deaf ears on autocracy and hegemony.” Isn’t it hyprocrcy to say this by some one on your behalf?

Happy b’day anyway! Don’t request anyone write for you nexttime… Iam sure you can wrtie a good piece your self—try it once….go for it! I am sure you can!

All the best!

To 1Whocandie4u Says:

December 25th, 2005 at 3:57 pm
OH! thank god! you gave clarification regarding ur name … otherwise… I would think sth else… LOL

Dont worry! you will not miss anything on earth even if u dont read this blog.this is just a tempest in teapot.

well yes! i m not that ugly , i have pretty pics too but something stopped me from exposing myself, what’s that? you know it well. I will display appearence only when i will emerge out of this mundane writings, i promise! you will see me when i will be able to do some analytical and investigative job as you expect from we lady bloggers (opps! should i dub myself a blogger?)

And the irony of English! It is as clear as day how fool i seem in the blog with the rain of phrases. I regret lil! But no .. lol.. no regret at all, this provides space for improvement, this will be dangerous if i start writing in good language from 20, got to learn a lot man!

To Handsome Hunk Says:

December 25th, 2005 at 4:15 pm
Devoid of verbosity?
ha ha… ! u got to posses some Achillis heels too k , so that handsome hunks like u feel themselves gr8 suggesting n criticisizing me..

To Aadaraniya Pat daju Says:

December 25th, 2005 at 4:27 pm
This skepticism will cost u a lot! take my words for this!

1whocandie4u Says:

December 25th, 2005 at 6:59 pm
TO You, blog lady……

I do not know why u tried to vomit words against me….I do not think that I have written anything that really affects ur liberty to write……There is no question of losing or gaining anything by reading someone’s feelings……I never take these questions of losing n gaining before reading though sometimes quality of writing makes me feel that I really wasted my time by reading useless (more properly shitty ) blogs or anything in that respect……

I do not question ur writing ability……nor have i ever raised in my comments…… these things are influenced by from where u completed ur SLC and PCL (+2), assuming that u have not completed ur Undergraduate level (Bachelor Degree), considering age…. I hope to see ur more n more blogs here with critical and analytical study of some weighty subjects ….. all the best for that n do not forget “VIDHYA DADATI VINAYAM”…..

I hope that u will understand my last verse..not mine but what i have written n u should know what i could feel after reading ur all the replies, not only to me but which u have written to others also…..

adarsha Says:

December 26th, 2005 at 2:39 am
Could the writer please let me know where she did her schooling from( don’t misunderstand me I totally respect her privacy..). I myself will turn 20 this feb and right now I am doing my bachelors in a first tire university in the U.S. After getting a decent score in my SAT test, I developed a feeling that I am a above average(-20yrs nepali) english writer. This gave me the confidence to try my hand at writing articles and thus I even published a few articles in the Himalayan Times. However, reading this blog more than a couple of times and still not being able to understand the blog sentence by sentence(mainly beacuse of the “hard”(mark: quote unquote) words used, makes me wonder which school I should have gone to develop this sort of mastery of english language. I would certainly like to send my brother to that school( I know it depends on u and not the school u go to ). However, i would like to give my brother a chance!!

To 1whocandie4u Says:

December 26th, 2005 at 2:51 pm
damn…. I never thought u would misunderstand me like this hell.
I was not vomiting words against you! I respect words and i hardly use my words in vomiting- business. I respect you and your comment a lot. I just mean to say, mine is a mundane blog and I dont want you to waste ur time, i mean it, very humbly…
I am really encouraged by ur comment… but i am shocked you find my every reply rude and outrageous, anyway, i will learn ur sanskrit version by heart ( though i m not sure i could decipher it)

To Adarsha Says:

December 26th, 2005 at 3:03 pm
Firstly, let me think, you are not mocking me!
One good turn deserves another!!
Adarsha, lets make a deal,I will manage your brother to admit in the school i studied,…. u will not need to worry an inch for him, one does not need to pay fee, and because its a village, ppl are humane and my menfolks will receive him very warmly, he will feel like home and in turn for that help me lil, that i want to publish my articles in Himalayan Times and because i dont have any idea whats the standards and methods thr… U got to ensure they will publish my writings ( Dont worry, i will ensure , the writing will not be trash)….

1 big lesson i learnt from ur comment: opertunities come everywhere in all forms, one need to utilize it to the fullest